On days like today, I go between frustration and contentment. Does that mean I’m mentally ill? 

I got up a little later than normal, made some coffee and had some oatmeal. I took the bus downtown to interview for that bartending job. It went well, I suppose. The guy seemed pleased with my resume. He didn’t ask me many questions, and it was kind of brief. He mentioned checking my availability fits with what he wants and give me a call as soon as possible. I messaged a bartender here that I knew from Kentucky to see if she had any tips for me. She said, and I have heard this from others as well, that most places in this city prefer female bartenders, and if you are a male bartender you “kinda have to be the shit.” Now I wouldn’t necessarily say I was “the shit” as a bartender, but I am really damn good. It’s just trying to convey that in an email or resume that’s the hard part.

This town is full of restaurant “chains”. Restaurateurs who open multiple types of restaurants, different concepts. Tomorrow one of them is having a job fair that I RSVPed to. I’ll stop in there, and afterwards I plan on visiting three gay bars to drop off resumes and applications. Of the three, the one I am most excited about is called Crew. It’s a gay sports bar. Just saying “gay sports bar” makes the world seem like a better place. I am totally down with that. The gay bars are my last hope. If they don’t want me, then I suppose no place in this city does. 

So back to what I was saying earlier… After the interview, I went over to Millennium Park again, to take photos of The Bean, again. I am so fascinated by that sculpture. Afterwards, I walked a couple of blocks over to this awesome building called Aqua. I got some cool photos of that one, too. The building is an incredible design; the balconies are arranged so that the surface of the building actually looks like ripples of water. Google it. It is stunning. After that, I walked Michigan Avenue, just to be a part of the crowd and in the middle of all the buildings. I stopped for some coffee, then took the train back to my neighborhood. 

Since then, I have been on my couch, watching The Walking Dead Season 2 on Netflix. And that’s when things started getting kind of annoying. And completely boring. When I have so much free time, I just get anxious and don’t really know what to do with myself. I don’t mind spending a few hours wandering aimlessly around the city, especially on a beautiful day like today. But that can get tiresome. And I can’t spend any money, so that rules out going to dinner alone or the movies or shopping. So I just sit. Watching episode after episode of 30 Rock or Alias or The Walking Dead. And it can get frustrating. Perhaps the necessity for a second job is greater than money; maybe I need a second job for my mental health. I should have gone to an AA meeting tonight.

I know it will be this way only for a time. I am certain at some point that I will be working so much that I will wish I had days like today. I just need to remind myself of that. And that I am here to be something greater.

Word of the Day: Attrition

Quote of the Day: “Live like a warrior.”

Homework: Think about a time when you’ve felt lonely or trapped. How do you overcome it?

As of today, I have applied for 61 bartending jobs here in Chicago. Sixty-one. That does not include emails sent from my iPhone. There has to be a problem with my resume or I am doing something wrong. I just don’t understand. I have accepted the fact that I will have to apply to the gay bars. Since obviously my experience means shit in this city, I’m hoping that the gay bars may find me reasonably attractive enough to hire. I do have an interview tomorrow at a new place opening, though it’s in the flagship Metra Station and doesn’t have a website yet. (Metra is the suburban trainline running into the Loop, different from the ‘L’.) We’ll see how that interview goes. It definitely doesn’t seem to be my dream job, but at this point, I have to do something. And the two gay bars I want to apply to seem to be the most “low-key” of them all, because I refuse to work with strippers or take off any article of my clothing. I hope this week bring more luck on the job front than the past three have. It’s hard to not be disheartened. 

I do have good news: I passed my exam and am now a fully licensed cosmetologist in Illinois. Bingo!

I have spent the day watching Alias on Netflix. I did my laundry and worked out in my building’s weight room while my clothes washed and dried. I made dinner, and spent time going from the couch to the computer, checking Craigslist for jobs. 

It’s been that kind of day.

Go on. Be jealous.

Word of the Day: Discouraged

Quote of the Day: “The light of a good character surpasseth the light of the sun.”

Homework: None.

I can’t believe that as of tomorrow, I will have been living in Chicago for two weeks. I’ve settled into a simple routine already, which gives me some comfort and sense of security. I’ve got my bus route to work down, and though the trains still confuse me somewhat, I only really use them when I’m exploring the city, so it probably works out best that I don’t know where I am going. Everyone at work seems to like me just fine, but I’m still getting used to the environment there and the training. I was very confident in my ability to cut men’s hair, but the way I am being trained has been a mixed bag of frustration and accomplishment. I trust I will get the hang of it in due time, and I am excited about finally just cutting hair. 

Finding a bartending job has been terribly frustrating. It surprises me, since there are so many bars and restaurants here to work at. I have sent out between 25-30 resumes and of those, I’ve had two responses. One was for a bar that opens in two months, and the other I actually had an interview, but didn’t get the job. I had checked and re-checked my resume a hundred times. I am not sure what the problem is or why I am having so much trouble finding a second job. I am supremely confident in my bartending ability, in all aspects, and I have no doubt at all that if someone would throw me behind their bar at it’s busiest, I would rock their world. But how do I say that in a resume? I’ve even widened my scope of potential jobs to barbacking, serving, and coffee shops. Tomorrow I will drop off resumes to several of the whiskey/bourbon bars around town, since that is my forte. And I saw a listing on Craigslist about a bartending position at a restaurant one block away from me, so I’ll stop there as well. I am discouraged that I still haven’t found anything, but I know I will.

I have never tried to live on such a small amount of money for such an extended period. Though I firmly believe you don’t need money to have a good time, in a city like this, my train/bus pass can go quickly if I don’t plan carefully. I already lost one with $25 on it on my first day of work, not to mention the $25 that was deducted from my bank account but not added to my card. I have spent a lot of time in my apartment, since the weather has been rainy and colder for the last week. During my first week, I rode my bike 18 miles along the Lake Front Trail, which is a bike/running/walking path that runs along Lake Michigan. I’ve also spent a lot of time just walking and exploring around my neighborhood and a little downtown, so much so that I rubbed the back of my left foot raw. I look forward to the day I can actually go out to eat, go see a show or do anything that requires money. But it will come, if I am patient. 

As far as a social circle…well, there is none. I still haven’t gone to an AA meeting here yet, though there are many near me, including some gay ones. I haven’t gone because of a mixture of fear and laziness. I just need to make that first step because I know that I could make friends pretty quickly, and they’d be the kind I actually want. In all fairness, I do have one friend here and I value his friendship deeply. Oh, and I have at least built enough rapore with two of my neighbors that we say “What’s up?” or give a bro-like head nod when we pass.

This city is giant. It’s mine for the taking. I just have to find a second job and not be so scared. 

I got this.

Word of the Day: Beginning

Quote of the Day: “I don’t even know if there’s such a thing as “getting south” on anyone.”

Homework: How do you think you’d handle relocation?